The entertainment capital is not Hollywood…

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 13,2008

…it’s north Jersey. And thus we get HotChicksWithDoucheBags.com, a perennial favorite. This guy? Also a douchebag.

Lucy Pinder in black lingerie and StupidRes

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 13,2008

StupidRes: all sorts of stupid resolution photos.

PS: your dialup account cannot handle this post. No, really.

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Ashley Alexandra Dupré, Spitzer’s (not so) safe deposit box

• Author: mike
• Filed under: , random shit
• Date: Mar 13,2008

Yeah, we got pics of the hos

• Author: mike
• Filed under: , random shit
• Date: Mar 12,2008

Pics of the women of the now-infamous Emporer’s Club:

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Lieschen Botes

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

She was featured on the cover of South African Sports Illustrated Swimwear 2006, she’s been a Wonderbra model since 2005, and she’s simply the sexiest South African you’ll ever lay eyes on. Until I find another.

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Faye’s freckled and redheaded hotness

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

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Um, yeah - she’s hot

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

The New York Times has outed the hottie that The Spitz was tapping for hire up until he caught by his own damn company.

Retard.

Kristen, prostitute described in a federal affidavit as having had a rendezvous with Mr. Spitzer on Feb. 13 at the Mayflower Hotel in Washington, has spent the last few days in her ninth-floor apartment in the Flatiron district of Manhattan. On Monday, she made a brief appearance in federal court, where a lawyer was appointed to represent her. She is expected to be a witness in the case against four people charged with operating a prostitution ring called the Emperor’s Club V.I.P.

In a series of telephone interviews on Tuesday night, she said she had slept very little over the past week, with all the stress of the case.

“I just don’t want to be thought of as a monster,” the woman said as she told the tiniest tidbits of her story.

No, we’re not going to think of you as a “monster” as much as we’re going to imagine you in your underpants somewhere far far away from the Yoda ears of Elliot Spitzer. (psst: CALL ME!)

Sheriff: Woman sat on toilet for 2 years

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

I’ve had some tough times in the shitter, but nothing like this:

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

“We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital,” Whipple said. “The hospital removed it.”

Fucked up. But definitely American.

fucker

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

I was just discussing this the other day - how I can laugh my ass off about some guy on a scooter getting literally squarshed by a semi, but I see a puppy being thrown like this and it makes me physically sick. Maybe ’cause I think that someone should know better than to ride their slow-ass 49cc moped in heavy traffic or that a puppy doesn’t know shit and needs care to survive. Maybe ’cause I like puppies more than humans. WGivesAF?

Anyhow, his sister’s weighed in on the whole thing. I do believe that David Motari’s going to have a hard time coming home to yellow ribbons and pancake dinners.

Fuck. I can barely put that thumbnail up there without getting pissed off again.

‘Cuckold’ ex-cop, sues, admits he has no balls

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

A former Pueblo police officer who said he was fired because he and his wife have a “cuckold” relationship will receive a $20,000 settlement from the city, the Pueblo city attorney’s office said today.

Michael and Tammy Bethel filed a federal lawsuit last year. In it, they said that Tammy Bethel is free to have sex with other people, as long as they are not married or minors, and provided she tells her husband about it.

Please note this crazy bitch’s eyes:

Every single fiber of my being looks at that and says “RESTRAINING ORDER.”

“So fucking busted” Spitzer to step down by Monday

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

CNN is reporting that Le Spitz is going to hand over gubernatorial duties to the vice-governor (or something - I think it’s Lt. Gov. David Paterson, who is legally blind and therefore more likely to go for the fatter, lower-dollar hookers than the 7-diamond ones):

Gov. Eliot Spitzer said Wednesday that he will step down from the state’s top office because he cannot allow his “private failings to disrupt the public’s work.”

“I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me,” he said in a brief news conference announcing his intention to resign, effective Monday. “I will try once again outside of politics to serve the common good.”

Lucy Pinder’s breasts to invade Guam

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

Jeeeeeeeezus - she’s like some sort of action heroine or some shit…

WANT.

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

The hottest woman on the face of the planet spoke words the other day that will have me spending sleepless nights waiting, not the mention her saying the word “corsets,” which is the sexiest thing to ever come out of her mouth:

“Obviously, my career is expanding and I am a mother and so I’m not going to be rip-roaring in corsets playing a 19-year-old because I’m not, I’m 38 years old,” she told reporters. “I’m actually really lucky and glad these other roles have come along and I can play a mother.” But, she said, she wasn’t about to abandon sexy roles altogether. “In my next movie, which is an untitled movie at the moment, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me, put it that way,” she said. “I’m not going to be playing old grannies anytime soon. “You see, I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet.”

Catherine, you have reached your sexiest point repeatedly in my mind, usually when the bathroom door’s locked.

Gays more dangerous than terrorists

• Author: mike
• Filed under:
• Date: Mar 12,2008

Here we go again: some retard Congressperson has opened her mouth and proven how fucking dumb she is (pictured: some typical gay women doing typical gay women type things):

(Oklahoma City, Oklahoma) An Oklahoma lawmaker is warning her constituents that gays are taking over and have become more dangerous to the American way of life than terrorists.

State Rep. Sally Kern (R) made the remarks in a speech to a small gathering but did not know they were being recorded. The tape fell into the hands of The Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund which then posted it on YouTube on Friday. It has now been viewed by more than 250,000 people.

“The homosexual agenda is destroying this nation; it’s just a fact,” Kern declares.

“I’m not gay bashing, but according to God’s word that is not the right kind of lifestyle,” she said. “It has deadly consequences.”

The best part?

“What is wrong with me as an American exercising my free speech rights on a topic that is a very big issue today?” she said.

Kern told the station that she doesn’t know who taped the speech and when it was recorded.

“Shame on the person who didn’t have the courage to come and say, ‘I’m going to tape you and put it out on YouTube,’” she said.

Stand by your “free speech,” you asshole. If you have no problem exercising your free speech rights, then we’ll have no problem exercising ours…

A woman who Spitz

• Author: mike
• Filed under: , awesome
• Date: Mar 11,2008

You really must be living under a rock to not have already heard about Elliot Spitzer’s fall from grace yesterday. So go ahead and read up on the psychoanalytical part of the whole thing, where people are theorizing why such a smart, hard-nosed asshole would almost deliberately get caught up in a prostitution investigation kind of like the one going on in Denver right now.

Blah blah blah. High-powered suit wants to get his dick wet. We’ve come to expect this stuff. What I’ll be waiting for is the full profiles of the hooooers (in my best north-Jersey) like Candace below:

More profile goodness at Wonkette, boring text-based reports or some shit at The Smoking Gun, and further Emperor’s Club profile pics at Huffington Post.

EDIT: No, seriously. Even though the Emperor’s Club website is 404, the profile pics are up on Huffingtonpost.com.